Winners of the 2018 Lyttle Lytton Contest for awful first lines of imaginary novels

For 17 years, the Lyttle Lytton Contest has encouraged writers of all skill levels to a single challenge– come up with the worst opening line to an imaginary novel– and this year, the winners were all pretty amazingly awful. Like this gem from Katherine Morayarti:

She walked in with a dress the paralyzing green of the BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth 2014 Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard by Razer (4.5 stars, 37 customer reviews).

Or from Klaus Vertanen:

My lamestream friends told me to start dating again, but I knew the jet fuel of love couldn’t melt the steel beams of my heart.

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