If you’re a furloughed federal employee sitting around with too-too-too much time on your hands, Vibrators.com is giving away 200 free vibes a day to “non-essential” furloughed federal employees. All you have to do is enter the coupon code “IAmAFederalEmployee”.
They won’t do a background check to confirm you are one, but if you lie they point out, ‘Karma will get you. Note: Congress Representatives, who voted for the shutdown, are all deemed “essential” so are ineligible. But since they are still getting paid, they can afford to buy their own.
If you’re a woman who has a tendency to sleep through your alarm, maybe something like The Little Rooster is more your speed. It’s a small, personal alarm clock that one wears in one’s panties, and when the alarm goes off in the morning, it wakes you up with a buzz against your little man in the boat.
Japanese vibrator simulates the feeling of being shot or stabbed. Well that’s not a fun kind of vibrator at all.
You ever been shot or stabbed? Do you want to be shot? I guess if you really want to, it could be arranged. But a less messy and far less lethal solution would be a pair of Japanese vibrators that work in tandem to produce the feeling of something passing through your body. Not quite the vibrators you might have been hoping for, but it’s an interesting phenomenon. The vibrators, not getting shot.
There’s lots of different kinds of USB drives to choose from out there, but there’s only one USB drive that also doubles as a vibrator. Yes, you can store your documents, photos and data on the same device that you use to vibrate your lady parts. It’s discreet, super quiet and waterproof.
If you’d like to get off without simultaneously fucking the earth, check out the Solar Bullet. There’s also a light at the end, so it doubles as the world’s smelliest flashlight.
If you can’t get enough of Obama, you might want to consider having your very own Chinese-made Barack Obama sex doll. Unveiled at the 8th Sex Culture Fesitval in Guangzhou, the doll is wearing a printed on blue suit with red tie and a silkscreen photo face. There’s no indication on the size of the presidential dick you’ll be dealing with though.