Time magazine announced today that its prestigious Man of the Year award goes to Pope Francis, with Edward Snowden coming in second. This is actually a Time MotY pick I agree with, unlike the year when the winner was “You”. You could certainly argue that Snowden had a bigger impact on 2013, single-handedly changing the dynamics of international politics and espionage with his Smaug-like trove of secret information on the NSA, but Pope Francis has in his short tenure, gone a long, long way in starting to fix the tremendous crimes of the Vatican and being a Christian leader who, unlike most, actually behaves in a Christlike manner, with the kind of visible humility and compassion one usually sees in a Dalai Lama. And this comes after a man who thought it was still the Middle Ages, when it was cool for the Pope to dress only in the finest bling and do nothing to help those who have suffered directly under the Catholic Church.
The Vatican had to pull over 6000 gold, silver and bronze commemorative coins after it was discovered that some troglodyte accidentally misspelled “Jesus” on the coin as “Lesus”. Oh Lesus Hrist.
Pope Francis makes child sex abuse and kiddie pron illegal in the Vatican. Apparently there were no laws against it previously.
Ever since he took office, Pope Francis has showed that he’s a brand new kind of pope. In a bold move that brings the Vatican into the 19th century, Francis has made child sex abuse and child pornography illegal in Vatican city-state… apparently, there were no laws against such things in the Vatican before. Go Frank.
The Vatican is calling it a mistake, when a story about Batman showed up on the official Vatican website and Twitter feed, but we all know Pope Francis is a big Bat-fan. I wouldn’t be surprised if he issues an official papal bull later this year on who should star in the Justice League movie.
As the world’s eyes are on the Vatican, waiting to hear who will be the next Pope, the Vatican has been embarrassed again when it was made known that Europe’s largest gay sauna is on the bottom floor of a building that also houses priests living and working in the Holy See. Of cock. The Vatican has feigned surprise at this revelation.
While Pope Benedict and the Vatican say that the Pope’s sudden announcement of resignation came because of health concerns, another story is starting to circulate that he resigned because he’s facing arrest from some unnamed European government on behalf of the International Tribunal Into Crimes Against Church and State over Benedict’s long-time handling and cover-up of systemic child abuse within the Catholic Church.
With Benedict retiring at the end of this month, cardinals at the Vatican will be tasked with appointing a new pontiff. Among the main contenders are two Africans, an Italian and a Canadian. With many Catholics now living in developing countries, it might finally be time to appoint a non-European Pope for the first time ever.