Even though lethal injection has been used in the US for decades as a “more humane” way of sentencing people to death, the practice has come under heavy scrutiny in the past several years as being just the opposite of humane. Chemical mixtures differ by state, chemistry reacts differently in each person, and if the exact things aren’t given at exactly the right time, an inmate may die a horribly painful, violent death instead of being quietly ushered into the great beyond. And even chemicals that are used correctly often cause intense pain to an inmate, even if the person is unable to express it. So as an alternative, Utah wants to bring back the firing squad— it’s quick, it’s pretty much guaranteed to do the job and there’s nothing too complicated about the whole process.
Yes, it probably happened just like the above photo. Bruce Gardner was at work, when he unexpected received a call from home. He didn’t hear any voices, just banging and scratching. So he called 911, when it turned out it was just his dog, probably trying to call up some bitches or something.
Last week, the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources saw something very peculiar when some rangers were flying near Ben Lomond Peak in Ogden— what appeared to be a man in a goat costume frolicking with a herd of wild goats.
A U.S. Forest Service Officer on foot patrol along a popular trail in Utah made a shocking discovery last week. A couple of crazy men rigged the entrances to a rudimentary shelter with booby traps. Fortunately, no one died, because it would have been nasty.
If you were to try and guess the gayest city in America, Salt Lake City probably wouldn’t be near the top of most people’s lists. I would guess San Francisco or Key West, but nope… it’s the Mormon capital.
University of Utah professor Grant Smith apparently didn’t realize that when you’re flying on an airplane, you’re not in your own private little bubble and decided mid-flight to whip out his laptop to peruse his collection of kiddie porn. Another passenger noticed Smith’s choice of in-flight entertainment and alerted the crew.
All day today, as Jason Valdez (above, right) holed himself up in an Ogden, Utah motel room for seventeen hours, he was continuously updating his Facebook page with his take on the situation and one photo of himself and his hostage. Or “hostage”. At the end of the standoff, Valdez shot himself in the chest as SWAT stormed the room.
Due to an outbreak of horse herpes in Utah, rodeo queens have been forced to forego riding real horses for stick horses. How embarrassing. Because of the outbreak, contestants at the Davis County Sheriff’s Mounted Posse Junior Queen Contest had to cowgirl up Thursday night without their mares. Instead of competing on horses, as is typically the case, contestants were asked to trot around the arena with stick horses as their show ponies.
Kosmoceratops, called by scientists who discovered it is “the horniest animal ever to walk the Earth”. Well I seriously doubt that— obviously they’ve never met my dog. Kosmoceratops lived in what is now southern Utah, a place not known for horniness, when Utah was a whole lot of swamp and had a whopping 15 horns on its head.