Posts tagged with ‘tsa

TSA will now let you take small pocket knives, small baseball bats and golf clubs on planes

Having a moment of clarity, the TSA has relaxed some of their carry-on rules to allow small pocket knives with foldable, non-locking blades, golf clubs and small, child-sized baseball bats on airplanes. You still have to leave your hunting knives, broadswords and kitchen knives at home. And yes, box cutters are still a no-no.

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Sunday morning comics: “On a career trajectory”
While Luann rarely strikes me as funny, I usually read it because it’s cute and charming in its own way. Today’s, however, is good stuff.

Sunday morning comics: “On a career trajectory”

While Luann rarely strikes me as funny, I usually read it because it’s cute and charming in its own way. Today’s, however, is good stuff.

When you’ve got a 13 inch dick, going through airport security is never easy

Jonah Falcon has been on this website among many others and on numerous talk shows to discuss his life as the man with the longest dick in the world. It’s 13.5” hard, 9 inches flaccid and apparently gets you an enhanced patdown by the TSA when you try to go through airport security.

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TSA dumps grandfather’s cremains on the floor, then laughs as relatives pick up bits of bone

In another horror story of TSA security, an Indianapolis man claims that TSA airport security in Orlando opened an urn containing the remains of his grandfather, clearly marked “Human Remains”, dumped the contents on the airport floor and then chuckled as horrified relatives picked up bits of charred bones from the floor.

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TSA takes away woman’s cupcake because it might be a terrorist threat. DAMN TERRORIST CUPCAKES

Lots of people were doing lots of flying over the weekend, bringing lots of holiday joy with them. But one woman, flying home to Massachusetts from Las Vegas had her homemade cupcake confiscated and destroyed (probably eaten by the TSA), because the icing on the cupcake was considered a “gel” and therefore, a banned thing to take on a plane.

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TSA agent leaves a nice note in woman’s baggage
So apparently, when the TSA aren’t groping you up, they’re rifling through your luggage and commenting on your choice of sex toys. The bag in question belonged to blogger Jill Filipovic, who was understandably mortified to find this in her bags.
Via

TSA agent leaves a nice note in woman’s baggage

So apparently, when the TSA aren’t groping you up, they’re rifling through your luggage and commenting on your choice of sex toys. The bag in question belonged to blogger Jill Filipovic, who was understandably mortified to find this in her bags.

Via

The TSA will still be doing body scans, but soon they won’t be able to ogle your junk

Last week a Federal judge determined that those nudie airport security body scans are too revealing, so now the TSA has countered with plan B, a new software fix that will simply make the pictures less revealing and more like just a generic human outline.

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Woman arrested for groping TSA agent. How does it feel, assholes?

A Colorado woman was arrested Thursday after she groped a female TSA agent at Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix. Yukari Mihamae, 61, reportedly grabbed the left breast of a TSA agent at a checkpoint. She then reportedly squeezed and twisted the agent’s breast with both hands. Phoenix police tell the website that Mihamae admitted to the crime, but they do not know why she groped the female agent. The 61-year-old woman was released on her own recognizance Thursday and now faces a felony count of sexual abuse.

Via

TSA warns of “implant bombs” sewn into a terrorist’s body. Get ready for more craziness at the airport.

The newest threat to America, according to the TSA are implant bombs. Not always bombs in boob implants, but that’s a possibility. This threat, which would pose a challenge to current airport security, would have terrorists surgically implanting explosives into someone’s boobs, ass or stomach.

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Another terrorist plot foiled as TSA forces 95 year old woman with leukemia to remove her adult diaper

The TSA has gotten hell and has stood by its decision to give a 95 year old woman with leukemia and in a wheelchair, an enhanced pat-down, which included forcing the woman to remove her soiled adult diaper. Another terrorist plot thwarted! Good job America.

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Texas on the verge of banning invasive TSA searches

It’s safe to say that most people aren’t too happy with the TSA’s new grope-a-dope pat down procedure, but Texas is actually doing something about it. Yeah, Texas. The state that I hear one shouldn’t mess with.

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TSA: If you complain about pat-down procedures, it means you’re a terrorist and you’re asking for a full body cavity search

Look at that god damn dirty terrorist.

If you don’t like how the TSA has been handling airport security lately, you might not want to complain while you’re in line where a TSA agent can hear you, because to them, that means that you’re probably a terrorist and you’re just asking to get your shit groped.

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