Google’s first fiber internet experiment has been going well in Kansas City, and on April 9th, it sounds like they’ll be announcing the next city to get pimped out with super high speed cheap internet service. Austin, Texas… come on dooowwwwn!
Sometimes you find something so ridiculous, so incredibly implausible, that it just sort of makes you challenge your own reality. I literally am having a hard time believing that an organized body of the government, composed of members elected by The People, would even remotely come to this level of balls-out audacity and general ignorance. Texas, you are a goddamn blight on our nation (sorry Austin & Houston, I actually kind of like you but the rest of your family is fucking nuts).
Ask even the dumbest kid and they’ll tell you that libraries are full of books. Not in Texas, where Bexar County is about to open the country’s first all digital library. So instead of dusty old smelly books all over the shelves, the library will be a hub of digital information and ebooks and hardcore pornography.
It’s only been a few months since Texas raised the interstate speed limit to 85 mph, on Thanksgiving day, holiday traffic plus the nation’s highest speed limit plus dense fog near the city of Beaumont all contributed to a gigantic 140 car pile-up that left two dead and over 80 injured.
If someone is trying to sell you an iPad in a gas station parking lot in northern Texas, it’s probably bullshit. Just saying. Especially if it comes in plain white box that “feels right”, but the guy won’t actually let you see inside… it’s probably bullshit.
This year’s Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, TX will have a cannon that shoots tacos to festival goers! AIM IT RIGHT AT MY FACE.
In the Lower Pecos region of southwest Texas are some remarkable rock paintings, dating to around 4,000 years old. Records from indigenous peoples in the area don’t give much insight into the paintings and it’s only been recently that archaeologists have been to decode the art as having religious significance to a people practicing the “White Shaman” religion, so named because of geographical landmarks, not because there were actually any white shamans living there at the time.
“I’ll take ‘The Penis Mightier’ for $400, Alex”
This weekend, a Houston police officer shot and killed a wheelchair bound paraplegic, because the individual at a group home for the mentally ill was waving a metal pen at a police officer. Great police work there, Lou.
Fiona Apple arrested for hash possession in the same Texas town where Snoop and Willie Nelson got busted. Here’s a hint: Don’t pass through Sierra Blanca
After Willie Nelson’s tour bus got pulled over and searched for drugs in Sierra Blanca, Texas, where Nelson and others were arrested for marijuana possession… after Snoop Dogg had the exact same thing happen in the exact same town, you’d think musicians would just route their buses around the city. But noooooo… Sierra Blanca just busted Fiona Apple on her tour bus, which makes three celebs in as many years.
Pro tip: If you’ve got a tour bus full of drugs, FOR FUCK’S SAKE DO NOT GO THROUGH SIERRA BLANCA.