And in Florida news, woman gets third boob in the most Floridian attempt ever to get her own reality show
Just because there was that hooker in Total Recall with three boobs doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. But a woman from Florida that goes by the name of Jasmine Tridevil forked out $20,000 to have a third boob constructed in between her god-given girls because she’s given up on life and really really hopes her $20,000 will be an investment towards getting her own MTV reality show.
Oklahoma high school teacher shows up for the first day back to work drunk and pantsless. Stay classy Oklahoma teachers
Earlier this week, on the first day back to school for teachers, a Wagoner, Oklahoma teacher Lorie Ann Hill was arrested after a fellow teacher found her passed out drunk and sans pantalones on the first day back to school for teachers. Apparently, Ms Hill had been downing vodka in her car right before she went into the school, and the empty classroom I guess just seemed like the right place to go pantsless.
Skaters just love to one-up each other with various gross and dangerous shenanigans— hell, Johnny Knoxville has turned a few skater buddies fucking around and being stupid into his own little empire. But in Australia, a thing has emerged called “bubbling”, in which you (a male, presumably, it’s far easier) piss straight from the nozzle into your own mouth, because… I have no idea. But it’s a thing, and I’m guessing, a messy one.
In another one of her well researched articles, the Food Babe’s copious research has led her to the conclusion that microwaving water changes its structure in the same way negative thoughts do. “For the experiment pictured above, microwaved water produced a similar physical structure to when the words “Satan” and “Hitler” were repeatedly exposed to the water.”
For a minute, never mind the charge of shooting a missile into a car. A missile doesn’t have to be a Minuteman or Patriot missile— it’s simply a launched rocket-shaped projectile. Let’s focus on the important part, that the woman who was arrested in Polk County, Florida has the most Florida name ever. Crystal Metheney. No, that’s not the name of a Breaking Bad themed My Little Pony, that’s her actual name. This is gonna be a good day.
A Chinese man was left red-faced after getting his penis stuck in a pipe for TWO DAYS. Lian Tien came up with possibly the world’s most bizarre excuse for the embarrassing blunder - he was painting in the nude and slipped. The 61-year-old said his ‘private parts’ became stuck in a pipe sticking out used to take water from the building’s air conditioning unit. But he thought nobody would believe his story - so he stayed there for two days until he developed a fever and called doctors, who suggested they call for backup from the fire brigade.