In every Cold War era movie involving nuclear war, there’s a long, complicated process of obtaining, matching, verifying, double and triple checking launch codes before nuking the shit out of the Russians. And this makes sense, considering the gravity of starting World War III and obliterating hundreds of millions of people. But in reality, for 20 years, the launch codes for every single one of America’s launch sites was 00000000. On purpose. Because while JFK’s idea of using cryptic launch codes was well intentioned, most generals figured that if the time came, they didn’t want to waste valuable seconds with verification when they could be nuking Moscow.
Russian astronauts have managed to infect the ISS with the Stuxnet virus. Skynet can’t be far behind.
See what happens when America and Russia are friends and are hanging out in space together? The Russians and their shitty software have apparently managed to accidentally infect the International Space Station with the Stuxnet virus. Oh, and before that, they got it all up in a nuclear power plant as well. Dammit Russia, stop using all that shitty torrented software.
With Russia’s new anti-piracy law just a few days old, further opposition will be voiced today in a particularly unconventional manner. Following Russia’s first Kopimi-inspired wedding yesterday, in which the happy couple exchanged vows and silicon chips, pirates in several areas of the country will today apply to form their own church. Official complaints will then be filed against the new law on the basis that it insults the beliefs that underpin the Kopimist religion.
While some people are calling for boycotts of next year’s Winter Olympics in Sochi due to Russia’s current war against gay rights, there is something very cool about the medals that will be awarded. Each of the gold medals will contain pieces of the meteorite that so spectacularly exploded over Russia last year. GOOOOLD MEDALS FROOOOOMMM SPAAAAAAAAACE!