Terry Vance Garner, 69, never returned from feeding his hogs last Wednesday, prompting a family member to check on him about 2:30 p.m. and call authorities. A family member found Garner’s dentures and pieces of his body in the hog enclosure several hours later, but most of his remains had been consumed.
See, internet? See what your unnatural and all-consuming love for bacon has done? The world is now on the verge of a worldwide pork shortage. There just aren’t enough pigs to feed your insatiable demand for bacon and sausage. I blame Obama and the internet and the Muslims and those guys from Epic Meal Time.
In a press release today, Burger King committed to serving 100 percent cage-free eggs in its U.S. restaurants by 2017 and to buy pork only from suppliers with documented plans to end their use of gestation crates for breeding sows.