I Heart Chaos

Wolf Blitzer would like to take a moment to tell you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

posted 23 May, 2013
by cranberryzero
reblogged from badtvblog
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Man arrested in Oklahoma after a portable meth lab exploded in his pants

David Williams ran from a police officer who noticed a chemical smell as he was issuing a speeding ticket to the driver of the SUV Williams was a passenger in, KOTV reported. The officer caught up with Williams and in the ensuing struggle, an “active meth lab” he had been hiding in his pants burst, Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper Shiloh Hall told the station.

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Oklahoma Democrats go full Monty Python on GOP anti-abortion bill, add an “Every sperm is sacred” clause

When Oklahoma state senate Republicans tried to push through an anti-abortion bill, Oklahoma Democrats tried to force the bill to go full retard by adding a section to the bill that would make any form of male ejaculation not into a vagina “a crime against unborn babies”. You be trollin’.

Tulsa woman arrested for attempting to cook meth inside a Wal-Mart

Elizabeth Alisha Greta Halfmoon was arrested in Tulsa, Oklahoma yesterday for attempting to cook meth inside a Wal-Mart. The amazing part is that she wasn’t just busting Sudafed on the floor— she had been at it for SIX HOURS before employees finally became suspicious of her activities and called the police. Well, we can’t all be Walter White.

posted 09 December, 2011
by cranberryzero
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5.6 magnitude earthquake rattles Oklahoma

Fig. 1 A Demonstration of tectonic forces at work in Oklahoma

If anyone’s in Oklahoma (unlikely), that shaking you felt a little while ago was a 5.6 magnitude earthquake, centered in Lincoln County. Congrats, Oklahoma, you had an earthquake, I guess you’re cool now.

posted 06 November, 2011
by cranberryzero
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If you’re going to party and smoke weed in prison, don’t post the pictures on Facebook

Convicted murderer Justin “Jus N” Walker is in the midst of a 30 year sentence for killing an Oklahoma sheriff. But god forbid that prison should put a damper on his ability to smoke weed and party like a motherfucker. But if that’s how you’re going to do it in prison, don’t post it all on Facebook with your contraband Blackberry.

Oklahoma City mayor bans the Lingerie Football League from his town

So this month, the Lingerie Football League announced that it wanted to put an LFL expansion team in OKC… but the mayor said no way. The OKC Civic Center and other arenas are only good for the likes of cheerleading competitions, UFC and Satanic rituals. You know how I know?

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posted 02 December, 2010
by cranberryzero
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Craziest college football interception ever

At this weekend’s OSU vs Oklahoma game, Broderick Brown bounces the pass from quarterback Landry Jones inbounds to Shaun Lewis. I went to a football game and volleyball suddenly broke out.

posted 29 November, 2010
by cranberryzero
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Oh no not this shit again: Pedobear fever hits Oklahoma

For one, the “registered sex offender” handing out free candy at Comic Con wasn’t really a registered sex offender. And two, part of the joke about Pedobear is that a lecherous cartoon bear lurking around in human society would stand out. So it’s not like someone would wear the Pedobear outfit to try and blend in.

I don’t know what makes me want to vomit more— real pedos or this newscast. I think maybe this newscast wins by a small margin. Oh, and what happened to the “Satan worshippers living next door that will steal your children” thing? That should totally make a comeback.

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