The above image was one recently captured by NASA satellites, showing huge fires and plumes of smoke running straight down one whole half of the country. NASA says it’s mostly likely famers clearing debris from farmland to help fertilize the soil, but personally, I think it’s all those damn North Korean meth labs that are putting Gus Fring’s operation to shame.
When you’re one of the poorest nations on Earth, but you need lots of money to spend on all military brass and polish, but you have nothing of real value, what do you do? Make meth. 98% pure crystal meth, and lots of it. So much of it, that the government encourages people to smoke it every day because they’ve got so much of it, and it’s pretty much the only thing that’s keeping the nation afloat at all. Had Breaking Bad not ended like it had, and Walter White wanted more than just the North American meth market, one more season and he could have been going toe-to-toe with the North Korean government. That would have been fun.
A North Korean official has been executed with a flame-thrower, South Korean media has reported, amid a crackdown on loyalists of Kim Jong-un’s purged uncle. As many as 11 senior party officials with close ties to Jang Song-taek have apparently recently been executed or sent to political prison camps.
In surprising North Korean political news, Kim Jong Il gets 100% of the vote from 100% of the population in elections
North Korea is democratic, that’s why they call it the Democratic Republic of Korea, duh. And to show its democratic side, North Korea recently held elections, in which 100% of the population voted 100% for Kim Jong Il, who had no opposition, but why would he? He’s obviously the holy chosen leader for life.
North Korea releases the latest version of its Red Star operating system, looks like a cute little OS X rip off
The North Korean government recently released version 3.0 of the Red Star operating system, the official OS of the North Korean government and preferred operating system of the workers of the world of the northern Korean peninsula. This is a big visual departure from Red Star 2.0, which was a blatant Communist Windows 7 ripoff.
Ever since the 1990s, there’s been a bit of a problem with starvation in North Korea. Okay, more like a really big problem with malnutrition and starvation. And in the name of survival, there’s also been a problem with child abduction, because who’s gonna miss one kid when people are dying all over the place every day? So there’s become a rule of thumb in North Korea that you shouldn’t buy meat of unknown origin, because it may be the kid down the street.
Things you don’t read in travel guides: Smoking and growing as much weed as you want is completely legal in North Korea
For all of its horrendous human rights abuses, brainwashing and complete totalitarian control over its people, there’s a whole lot of reasons to never even consider visiting North Korea. But if you do, you should also know that smoking and growing weed is not only totally legal in North Korea, it’s encouraged and as North Korean as apple pie is to America. And it’s cheap as shit— around $1 for about an ounce. Sure, you’ve still got to stick to your guides and obey all of North Korea’s stupid rules, but you can be high as hell the whole time.
A couple years ago, it was suspected that Kim Jong Il had been dating North Korean singer Hyon Song-wol, who was famous in the country for her hit “Excellent Horse Like Lady”, which is a song title that would only win the hearts of North Koreans. This past week, Hyon was reportedly executed by firing squad after it was discovered she had been in a pornographic movie, which I guess is punishable by death in North Korea.