In surprising North Korean political news, Kim Jong Il gets 100% of the vote from 100% of the population in elections
North Korea is democratic, that’s why they call it the Democratic Republic of Korea, duh. And to show its democratic side, North Korea recently held elections, in which 100% of the population voted 100% for Kim Jong Il, who had no opposition, but why would he? He’s obviously the holy chosen leader for life.
North Korea releases the latest version of its Red Star operating system, looks like a cute little OS X rip off
The North Korean government recently released version 3.0 of the Red Star operating system, the official OS of the North Korean government and preferred operating system of the workers of the world of the northern Korean peninsula. This is a big visual departure from Red Star 2.0, which was a blatant Communist Windows 7 ripoff.
Ever since the 1990s, there’s been a bit of a problem with starvation in North Korea. Okay, more like a really big problem with malnutrition and starvation. And in the name of survival, there’s also been a problem with child abduction, because who’s gonna miss one kid when people are dying all over the place every day? So there’s become a rule of thumb in North Korea that you shouldn’t buy meat of unknown origin, because it may be the kid down the street.
Things you don’t read in travel guides: Smoking and growing as much weed as you want is completely legal in North Korea
For all of its horrendous human rights abuses, brainwashing and complete totalitarian control over its people, there’s a whole lot of reasons to never even consider visiting North Korea. But if you do, you should also know that smoking and growing weed is not only totally legal in North Korea, it’s encouraged and as North Korean as apple pie is to America. And it’s cheap as shit— around $1 for about an ounce. Sure, you’ve still got to stick to your guides and obey all of North Korea’s stupid rules, but you can be high as hell the whole time.
A couple years ago, it was suspected that Kim Jong Il had been dating North Korean singer Hyon Song-wol, who was famous in the country for her hit “Excellent Horse Like Lady”, which is a song title that would only win the hearts of North Koreans. This past week, Hyon was reportedly executed by firing squad after it was discovered she had been in a pornographic movie, which I guess is punishable by death in North Korea.
The North Korean government is calling the Arirang the first smartphone from North Korea, though it’s more likely that the phone was designed and manufactured in China and assembled in North Korea. Or maybe just packaged in North Korea. At any rate, Kim Jong Un is pretty stoked.
In what are most likely just half-broken rockets that will be shot into the sea, North Korea has moved a battery of missiles into firing position on the east coast of the country. What happens next? STAY TUNED.
Earlier today, the official Twitter and Flickr accounts of the North Korean government were hacked, leaving behind such treasures as this pig-faced Kim Jong Un. The sad part is the poor bastard monitoring North Korea’s social presence probably had to commit suicide after seeing that image before he shamed his entire family.
North Korea seems to show no signs of backing off the crazy lately. There was a government sponsored, pro-Kim Jong Un rally in Pyongyang that drew a hundred thousand people, forced to march and sing and pump their fists in olive drab uniforms, singing about how happy they would be to tear Americans limb from limb.
As North Korea continues to ramp up its rhetoric, the US has also been ramping up its presence in the region with high profile war games meant to show North Korea exactly the kind of destruction they would bring upon themselves if they attacked South Korea, Japan or US interests in the Pacific. As part of this deterrent effort, the US flew B2 bombers from Missouri to the Korean peninsula to drop dummy bombs, warning the North against going full retard.