I Heart Chaos

For the first time, the victim of the crazy Miami cannibal attack speaks on his experience

Earlier this year, a bizarre face-eating attack on a man in Miami was the first of a tongue-in-cheek “Year of the Zombie”. But for victim Ronald Poppo, having his face eaten off and eyeballs plucked out wasn’t anything at all to joke about. For the first time, Mr. Poppo speaks publicly about the brutal experience.

Porn stars say they’re going to make good on their promise to give Heat fans free BJs

So does anyone want a free BJ? Sara Jay and Angelina Castro are promising they will deliver on their deal that Heat fans will get free porn star blow jobs now that the Heat have won the NBA title.

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Miami face-eating “zombie” wasn’t high on bath salts or LSD, just weed. WEED TURNS PEOPLE INTO FACE EATING ZOMBIES

It turns out that guy who was supposed to be a zombie who took super-acid or smoked bath salts and ate that other guy’s face off was just feeling silly. After an extensive toxicology report on the body of Rudy Eugene, it was found that he was only high on weed— no super LSD, no regular LSD, no bath salts, no alcohol. Stay tuned for news reports that weed now turns you into zombies and makes you randomly attack nice neighborhood watch people.

posted 28 June, 2012
by Kaze
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Miami police shoot naked man chewing on another man’s face. The zombie apocalypse has begun.

When the zombies started attacking, you knew it would happen in Florida. Saturday afternoon, Miami police fatally shot a man on a highway on ramp who was naked and chewing someone’s face off.

Roofers find a massive bat colony living under a roof in Miami, Florida

That’s just batty.

posted 22 January, 2012
by cranberryzero
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Drove to Miami from NC for New Year’s, where are the must go places?

Never been to Miami, I’m here for New Year’s… where are the must go places I should check out?

If a back-alley tranny offers to inject cement into your ass cheeks, just say no

Some people are desperate to get bigger butts and more curves, but no matter how desperate you are, going to a transsexual woman in some dark room so she can inject a mixture of cement and god-knows-what-else into your ass cheeks is never a good idea.

posted 21 November, 2011
by cranberryzero
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An off-duty cop going 120 on the interstate gets his due

Truthfully, I wish he got far more than this. This looks sort of schizo at first, like perhaps the state trooper has lost her mind until you realize that the way the Miami cop was going 120, weaving in and out of traffic without his blue lights on made her think the car was stolen. When she finds out that the cop was off-duty and was driving like a maniac because he was late for his second job as a security guard, she arrests him for excessive speeding. Someone give that woman a medal.

Miami, Florida is the fucking capital of classy

And Google Streetview just proved it. Click the pic to see the full sized, more NSFW image.

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posted 10 September, 2011
by cranberryzero
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Two deaf guys in Miami stabbed because other customers thought they were shooting gang signs

Maybe I’m just assuming too much, but I’ve always assumed that most people are familiar with the fact that deaf people communicate with each other with sign language and that most people are pretty familiar with what sign language looks like. But apparently that assumption would be wrong.

The Miami PD wants your help in tracking down the notorious gangbanger Jay Z

What do gangsters look like? The Miami PD put this helpful graphic on their webpage briefly before someone pointed out that not one but two of the individuals in the illustration were Jay Z. A hard knock life indeed. BOOK HIM!

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