The 36-year-old accountant, suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers anxiety and hypersexuality. She is said to need to masturbate for at least fifteen minutes every two hours. The condition, that requires the sufferer to orgasm to relieve stress and anxiety, caused Ms Bezerra difficulty at work. At the peak of her condition she was having to masturbate up to forty-seven times a day. Guanabee.com quotes Ms Bazerra as saying: “I got so bad I would have to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day. That’s when I asked for help, I knew it wasn’t normal,” Now on on a variety of tranquillisers, Bezerra reportedly (only) has to masturbate around 18 times a day.
If you’re a furloughed federal employee sitting around with too-too-too much time on your hands, Vibrators.com is giving away 200 free vibes a day to “non-essential” furloughed federal employees. All you have to do is enter the coupon code “IAmAFederalEmployee”.
They won’t do a background check to confirm you are one, but if you lie they point out, ‘Karma will get you. Note: Congress Representatives, who voted for the shutdown, are all deemed “essential” so are ineligible. But since they are still getting paid, they can afford to buy their own.
No matter your nationality, May is National Masturbation Month. You may be celebrating right now and you don’t even know it, so congratulations.