If you’re a furloughed federal employee sitting around with too-too-too much time on your hands, Vibrators.com is giving away 200 free vibes a day to “non-essential” furloughed federal employees. All you have to do is enter the coupon code “IAmAFederalEmployee”.
They won’t do a background check to confirm you are one, but if you lie they point out, ‘Karma will get you. Note: Congress Representatives, who voted for the shutdown, are all deemed “essential” so are ineligible. But since they are still getting paid, they can afford to buy their own.
No matter your nationality, May is National Masturbation Month. You may be celebrating right now and you don’t even know it, so congratulations.
A 20-year-old Wisconsin man, was just carrying on his day like any other free-to-roam human being, when it is alleged he felt the sudden and immediate urge to masturbate in a public library.
There are all kinds of dildo designs for all kinds of people, and if undead dick is your thing, you can now get a dildo that looks like a rock hard zombie pecker. NSFW picture below.