OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
Taking a page out of Amazon’s playbook, the venerable electronics retailer launched its “Newegg Premier” program on Tuesday. For $50 per year, subscribers will get “free expedited shipping” of three days or less, early-access to sales, free and no-fee returns, and a “dedicated customer service telephone number”.
As if using flying robot drones to deliver your packages wasn’t crazy enough, Amazon’s next amazing, mind blowing trick of online retail will use fancy algorithms to predict items you’re going to buy in the near future before you know you’re going to buy them, having your future items already packaged and stocked at your closest Amazon warehouse, so that when you do inevitably click “buy”, your book or dildo or toilet paper or whatever ready to ship instantly. Magic.
I know it’s a tempting purchase, but remember that actually trying to dive into a giant pile of gold coins will cause all kinds of massive bodily trauma, possibly death. So don’t do that.
Currently vying for funding on Kickstarter is a set of beautifully drawn Edgar Allen Poe playing cards. 25 days to go and it’s around 40% of its funding goal, so if you’re a Poe fan, feel the Christmas spirit and chip in a few bucks.