If you’re in Sochi this week and you spot a bright red beer Canadian maple leaf adorned beer fridge promising you free beer, you’re only getting said free beer if you’ve got a Canadian passport or if you make nice with a Canadian who will scan their passport for you. Canada, you win all the gold medals.
If you’re a Kids in the Hall fan and you’re going to be in Toronto on March 11, probably the most awesome thing you’ll do all month will be to drop by the Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival, where all five members of Kids in the Hall will be doing a live table read of their 1996 film ‘Brain Candy’. Tickets are $39 bucks and you can get em here.
Justin Bieber announces he’s retiring, and lo the angels sang, and it was the greatest Christmas present of all
On Twitter earlier today, Justin Bieber told the world he was retiring from music, and thus the wailing of ten million tweens was heard across the internet, and it was good.
In a landmark, world changing decision, the Supreme Court of Canada struck down the pillar of anti-prostitution laws in the country, basically paving the way for decriminalized brothel prostitution. This allows for greater security and stability for sex workers, and a boon for tourism to Canada. As if their strip clubs weren’t awesome enough, now Canadian hookers. God bless you Canada.
An Ontario man has been charged after he hit a bear with his car and then proceeded to get out of the car and best the bear to death with a rock. Ya know, the kind of stuff that Canadians do because they just don’t give a fuck like that.
The 41-year-old man has been charged under the Ontario SPCA Act with causing an animal to be in distress, and failure to kill an animal by a method that is humane and minimizes the pain and distress to the animal.
Also, Rob Ford says he’s too busy eating his wife’s pussy to eat anyone else’s pussy. This man is legend.
Yup, that’s what crack smoking, gang sign throwing Toronto mayor Rob Ford said at a press conference this morning. I wouldn’t feel right if I forgot to post this today. This fucker is surreal. The press conference was to address allegations Ford had made inappropriate statements about a staffer.
His words: “Oh and the last thing was Olivia Gondek, it says it says that I wanted to eat her pussy. Olivia Gondek. I’ve never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married. I’ve got more than enough to eat at home. Thank you very much.”
Even better, later today he completely denied saying that. At a live, televised press conference.
After days of violent clashes between the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and members of the Elsipogtog Nation over shale gas exploration in eastern New Brunswick, police began imposing a curfew to try and push out the protestors. Molotov cocktails were hurled at police and dozens of RCMP vehicles were burned at the site of the protest, where native Elsipotog peoples were trying to protect their land from fracking.