Is bestiality protected by the constitution? So says the lawyers of a Florida man who is on trial for his relationship with his sweet, sweet donkey named Doodle. Aw… that’s Doodle in the picture above. She is pretty hot.
With the news this morning of Superman and Wonder Woman hooking up, it’s a good time to examine the question of human and humanoid alien relations. Relationships and sex between humans and any other species are outlawed in most places on the planet, and undoubtably, it would still probably be illegal to fuck a space sea cucumber, but what about sci-fi aliens like Superman, Spock or that three-boobied hooker from Total Recall? It’s still technically bestiality…
While it’s illegal to distribute pornography involved people/animal sex in Germany, the act itself is not illegal, which had led to several animal brothels popping up in the country. But if you’re a German fan of fucking animals, your zoophilic days may be numbered. You’ll just have to move to France or something.
While many were incensed over the “indefinite detention” part of the recently passed National Defense Authorization Act, there’s another interesting bit of legislation that was in that bill— the repeal of the military ban on bestiality. Because after a long day of incarcerating Americans, nothing takes the edge off like fucking a goat.
And you just thought that having sex with animals was just harmless fun, right? No sir. As it turns out, dipping your wick into animals of other species may be a good way to get penile cancer. As in, a doctor chops your dick off for all those dalliances with sheep. WHO WILL STAND UP FOR THE SHEEP FUCKERS?
A man caught having sex with a donkey told a court in Zimbabwe that the donkey was actually a human shapeshifting prostitute that turned into a donkey at night. DAT ASS.
In 1970, when he was in his early twenties and hippies thought such things were cool, Malcolm Brenner found himself in a six month sexual relationship. With a dolphin named Dolly. Now in his book Wet Goddess. Ewww.
Something like that.
I know it may suck, but if you’ve got a severe allergy to dogs, you probably shouldn’t be arranging for bestial encounters with some strange man’s dog over the internet. You probably shouldn’t be doing that anyway, but if you’re allergic to dogs, it’s especially stupid.