There are definitely a lot of things that are awesome about being an adult. You can stay up late and eat ice cream for dinner, you can get as much porn as you want and if you want, you can just sit around smoking weed and playing video games. But for the things that are awesome, there’s a tremendous amount of bullshit that comes with it. When you really become an adult, you realize that ultimately, life sucks pretty bad and you’re never going to be a rich and famous rock star or astronaut. Fuck you if you’re a rich and famous rock star or astronaut.
So based on a discussion from several months ago, here are 11 things that suck about being a grown-up. I put them in a numerical order since I couldn’t really put them in alphabetical order, but all of them pretty much suck in equal measure.
Not having insurance
If you’re in a country like the UK, Canada or France, right now you’re laughing at this one. Not having insurance? Who doesn’t have insurance? There are millions and millions in the US who are uninsured or under-insured, even if they’re working full time. Too many employers don’t offer insurance at all, and many other times, if you are insured, it could be that you’re just covered for basic things like check-ups and prescriptions. But what if you have a bad injury or a disease that becomes expensive to cure? Welcome to the world of being dirt fucking poor and dumpster diving for cat food.
You keep getting older while teenage girls stay the same age
What’s up with that? One day you’re right along with them, hitting them up at a party and the next thing you know, you’re glancing at a 17 year old girl out of the corner of your eye while you’re driving and now you’re just some old pervy guy with a shitty dead-end job lamenting his lost youth.
By the time you can afford good booze on a regular basis, your liver is already saturated with swill
When you’re 17 or 18, you’re happy to get whatever beer or liquor you can get someone to buy for you. When you’re 21, you can buy whatever liquor you want, but unless you’re already well off by that time, you won’t be getting that top shelf liquor on a regular basis for a while. And by the time you can afford to get shitfaced on the really really good stuff, it isn’t as much fun anymore.
Snow no longer means staying home
If you live in Canada or the northern US, you probably didn’t get out of school for snow when you were a kid unless there was an apocalyptic blizzard, but for many other places, the slightest hint of snow was enough for many school systems to call a snow day. OMG SNOW DAY! They were the best thing ever. You wake up, there’s a blanket of white over the ground and you knew you weren’t going to school— it was going to be a glorious day of making snow angels and snowmen. But when you’re an adult, it just means driving to work in slush at 10 mph behind other idiots, every single one of you hating life.
Not as soon as you become a legal adult, but some time in the late 20s or early 30s, it starts happening little by little. Those little reminders that you’re no longer a spring chicken— slowly your hair starts getting thinner, knees start to hurt just a little, you start grunting every now and again when you stand up out of a chair.
And it’s not just the physical. It’s one day waking up and realizing that people in their early 20s are nostalgic for shit that came out when you were in high school or college. It’s realizing that suddenly all new music sucks and that you have no idea what teenagers are talking about. You’re not only getting physically old, but you’re slowly, day by day, becoming more and more uncool and out of the loop. Before you know it, you’re Andy Rooney, bitching about gas prices, pop music and “these damn kids today”. Fuck getting old.
Feeling like a total loser if you don’t have the awesome life you thought you would have or that you think you should have
When you were a kid, you were sure that when you grew up you were going to be a rock star or King Awesome Motorcycle or what-thefuck-ever. You thought you’d have a giant mansion and have a dozen sports cars and motorcycles and have a supermodel wife. But for 99% of people, life isn’t that incredible. And at the same time, commercials and the media tell you that as an adult, you should have a big house and a stable of cars, a super hot wife, super smart kids, a well-paying job doing something that you love and the money and ability to do whatever you want. Take a trip to the Caribbean? Any time! Stuck in a shitty job that you can’t quit, no spouse, no kids? What’s your problem anyway? Jeez.
Getting stuck in a rut
Wake up, take a shower, get dressed, go to work, eat lunch, talk about the weather with co-workers, go home, eat dinner, watch TV and/or surf the internet, go to sleep, repeat. No matter how awesome you think your young adult life is now, this is the rut that awaits you.
Not being able to party as much; harder to meet people
From the time that you’re in high school through college years and for a few years beyond, meeting people is no problem, whether it’s boyfriends or girlfriends or just friends. But once you’re out in the work world, it becomes a lot harder. Sure, some of you are just natural party animals and are going to keep clubbing until you’re dead at a ripe old age, but for most people, there comes a time where going out clubbing is no longer an option and all you’ve got are co-workers. Okay, you’ve got your internet friends, but those aren’t real people.
Not being able to punch someone in the face, no matter how much they deserve it
This isn’t one the was mentioned in the discussion thread, but it’s a good one. When you were a kid, and another kid was being a total jerk, you could haul off and sock the shit out of them, and what was the worst that was going to happen? Getting yelled out? Suddenly you turn 18 and you punch someone for being a jerk and it’s assault. Bullshit. Seriously… some people just deserve to get punched in the face.
Some people are lucky to have jobs that they absolutely love. They wake up in the morning, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining and they’re all like “Fuck yeah, another day driving a race car/curing cancer/fucking hot bitches”. For everyone else, work is work and it’s a necessary evil. Unless you’re suddenly really wealthy, you’ve got to keep working somewhere… anywhere… unless you want to be homeless. Even if you’re on some sort of government program like permanent disability or Welfare, those checks only cover the absolute minimum it takes to survive and you’ve still probably got to find some other kind of income just like everyone else. And yeah… work sucks. It’s sucked ever since the dawn of time, as people were out plowing fields and chasing down lions, but you’ve just got to keep doing it day in and day out. Put on that tie, citizen! There’s papers to be filed!
Sure, just because you’re an adult, you can stay up all night smoking weed and eating ice cream and playing video games, but you’ve got to go to sleep and go to work at some point. Too much weed and ice cream and video games and you start showing up late for work and then you’re out of a job. And then you’ve got bills to pay— water, electricity, internet, phone, rent or mortgage. Car payments, credit card payments, groceries, new shoes, car repairs… the list of things that eat up your paycheck is endless. And if you have kids, add a couple hundred more items to that list.
It was awesome when you were a kid, but what you didn’t realize is that your parents probably were working their asses off to get you nice things for Christmas or your birthday. Working shit jobs so you could run around all care-free, imagining how awesome it would be to be an adult, but when you get there, you realize there actually are consequences to your actions.
And it’s not just financial responsibility— it’s also social responsibility, sometimes known as “acting like an adult”. When you’re a little kid, it’s fine for you to go running shirtless through the mall, screaming, or standing in line in the grocery store with your hands down your pants or proudly picking your nose while someone else is talking to you. Try that as an adult.
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