I will never really figure out why people release things like Die Hard on days such as St. Valentine’s Day, but I’m pretty certain there’s a metric ton of market research that said “this will work, trust me.” Numbers out the ass aside, what we’ve got is a typical flick: Bruce Willis plays Bruce Willis, and a new contender hits the scene as a new Die Hard, Jai Courtney, who plays John McClane’s son, Jack (and I’m sure everyone with one brain cell and half a beer has already figured out that Jack is short for John Jr.). Honestly, don’t expect an insane amount here. What we have is a popcorn flick full of guns, explosions, nukes (gotta love nukes) exploding helicopters and of course, “Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!”
Okay, so it’s around 2013. McClane gets word of his son whom he’s been looking for since the last movie, finds out he’s being held in Russia on some really serious charges. So McClane gets on a plane more or less against the wishes of his daughter and heads out. Meanwhile in Russia, Jack is putting threads together to get near a local prisoner, Komarov (Sebastian Koch) a political prisoner of the current regime. Everything goes as planned up until in the middle of freaking Moscow, John finds Jack, sending everything down the shitter faster than a plane toilet.
Though I have to say, the banter in this movie is pretty good… Well for Willis anyway
John quickly learns that his low-life son is actually a major player in a CIA operation to get Komarov out of Russia because he has information about someone way up the chain of command, Chagarin (Sergei Kolesnikov) which would bring him down. Chagarin, whose superpowers include talking on the phone, buying up everyone in the local government, and walking everywhere in bullet time, sends more or less all of Russia to find Komarov.
The story at its whole takes place in two main locations, Moscow and Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant (no, I’m not kidding). A plot twist occurs, a piece of tech that is VERY underplayed appears and things start exploding… a lot. If you want massive plot, you’ve picked the wrong place to plant your butt. Seriously, there are plot holes large enough to fly a helicopter through.
There isn’t much to be said here. Everything is really… standard. All the normal Hollywood stunts are pulled off the shelf and sprinkled everywhere. One surprising thing is Jack defies all logic and lives through the entire film wearing a red shirt, proving once and for all only extras in red shirts die and lead actors get a pass.
Well there is this, but that’s about as good as it gets. Sorry guys…
Oh, and apparently if you attach an antenna and handlebars to an iPad, you can turn it into a Geiger Counter. Nuclear wasteland? There’s an app for that! And helicopter blades can double as instant mulchers in a pinch. Remember that all you folk who live under the Jesus Nut.
This review is short because there isn’t much to say. This is a popcorn flick. Grab some buddies, do a man date and watch stuff get blown up. If you’re really (un)lucky, you may get to witness a bored girlfriend give her man-date a bit of a joyride (happy V-day to him I guess). I think that was more of a topic of conversation coming out of the theater than the flick itself.