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Woman attacks Gaugin painting, but not to worry. She’s perfectly sane, a secret CIA agent and not batshit crazy at all

Over the weekend, one Susan Burns (above left) was at the National Gallery in DC and went on a crazy perfectly sane rampage as she tried to attack Paul Gaugin’s “Two Tahitian Women” (above right), because she said that the painting was “homosexual” and must be destroyed.

But it’s okay, because Ms. Burns is a super secret agent of the CIA who has a chip in her brain that gives her orders. 

"I feel that Gauguin is evil. He has nudity and is bad for the children. He has two women in the painting and it’s very homosexual. I was trying to remove it. I think it should be burned. I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you."

The painting was unharmed, but Susan Burns’ cover is now blown. Way to go, Gaugin.


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