Security Guard Shoots Penis Off

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Security Guard Shoots Penis Off

A 33-year-old security guard in Rio Claro, Trinidad And Tobago was found by police slumped behind his steering wheel on Sunday morning, according to the Trinidad and Tobago Guardian. Police saw that the guard was bleeding from his groin and they discovered he had a .38 caliber firearm in his right front pocket. Cops determined the man had accidentally shot his penis off.

He was taken to a local hospital where he remains. Gawker reports that it’s unclear whether medical staff was able to reattach or reassemble the guard’s manhood.

As Gawker writes, to add insult to “the worst injury imaginable,” the guard will likely face charges of illegal possession of a firearm because he allegedly didn’t have a valid handgun license.

Wonkette suggests a way to avoid tragedies like this in the future:

… the only way to stop a bad penis with a gun is with a good penis with a gun, so maybe if we posted armed penises in all … public places, then everybody would be safe.

It’s too bad this bold plan wasn’t unsheathed before the guard’s groin was destroyed.