IHC Movie Reviews: 'Octomom: Home Alone'

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IHC Movie Reviews: ‘Octomom: Home Alone’

Pseudo-celebrities and making porn go hand in hand. It worked for Kim Kardashian, it worked for Paris Hilton, and it made tons of people go limp with morbid curiosity with Chyna. The newest entry is one Nadya Suleman, AKA Octomom. Yeah, the chick that popped out like 8 kids a couple years ago, got tons of shit for being on welfare and was in the nations spotlight for all of a couple weeks. So, is this going to do anything for her, or was it just a desperate cash grab?

Her claim to fame is more or less being a deadbeat mom, popping out 8 kids at once while being on government assistance, under very weird circumstances. She was all the rage almost two years ago, then faded out of the spotlight for a while. While she was fading out, a couple different companies offered her tons of money to do porn, and she declined every single offer, saying she had too much integrity for that. Now, just when you were about to completely forget about her, she releases a self pleasure video on Wicked Pictures. The flick is broken down into five scenes, each one portraying her doing something else to herself.

First scene centers around her feeling herself up and eventually stripping in front of some sort of fountain. It takes almost 4 minutes before she even pops her tits out, and almost another good few minutes before she gets to twiddlin’ her pooter. She never really shows her goods front and center in this scene, and its just kind of almost softcore stuff. Really sets the pace for the rest of the flick, and shows almost exactly what your going to get. Stretch marks, weird kinda flabby skin, c-section scar, weird vagina, and some beat up nips run rampant through the whole thing.

Scene two is her doing some laundry, whipping her tits out, and then sitting on a stool rubbing herself through some panties. Straight up softcore porn. I’ve seen better on Cinemax. This scene just makes you wonder, “How the fuck much is she getting paid for this?”

Scene three is more typical boring stuff. She starts off trying to look all seductive in front of a pool, before moving to a bed and stripping and getting to business. Again, its mediocre borderline softcore. She spends half the time at a weird angle so you never see the goods, and the rest of the time from the tits up. Towards the end you finally get what most morbid curiosities have been wanting to see, a good clean shot of her baby hole. Surprisingly, its not horrible. Its kinda weird looking, but its not as disgusting as I would have bet on.

Scene four is her dancing around the kitchen, eating random things, and trying to be sexy and failing hard. Complete waste of time. Skip it, unless your fetish is average looking MILFs dancing around in skimpy shit eating stuff. I dont even think she whips her tits out in this one.

Scene five is where the good stuff starts. This is just a straight up masturbating scene, while shes in the tub. You finally get a good front and center unobstructed view of her snatch, and again, its not bad, but something about it just seems off. I can’t tell if she’s had a vaginaplasty, or if her vagina just looks like she’s had one. She also full on penetrates herself in this one, for the first time. Its all pretty standard lame porn crap, honestly.

All in all, its a typical cash grab from a washed up chick who realized this is probably the only way she could stay relevant. Shes mediocrely attractive, has a decent body, and does typical entry porn type stuff. I guarantee they will make more money on this out of pure morbid curiosity than out of lust. Which, is totally smart on their end. Maybe I just watch too much porn, but this is almost completely not fapworthy. It barely aroused me, and I totally fell into the morbid curiosity group. Watching it for the laughs, not the sexual factor.