Finding the real Goatse man, a “prominent practitioner of extreme penetration” (Try saying that 5 times fast)

Once you’ve seen it, you never forget it. That wiry frame, those hands… that gaping abyss into the unknown that drives men mad if you stare into it for too long. But who is he? Who is the real goatse man? As you may not be surprised to find out, the face behind the ass is a bit of a pro when it comes to asshole stretching.

The story of Goatse begins with a mustachioed, wiry man in his late forties who goes by the name “Kirk Johnson.” Johnson is a prominent practitioner of extreme penetration, which is the extreme penetration community’s term of art for sticking huge objects up your ass. For years, Johnson has been rumored to be the Goatse man, based on their similar frame, skills, and matching moles on both Goatse’s and Johnson’s ass.

Reader, I examined the moles. They match.

Kirk Johnson’s bios on his many porn site profiles describe a bisexual man with a penchant for huge black dildos. He’s anywhere from 45 to 48 years old, depending on which profile you go by. He’s stunningly prolific. His profile on the adult image-sharing site Imagefap, which holds the most complete collection of his work, boasts 15,156 photos, all of which have been compiled over the last five and a half years. His videos of xTube have been collectively viewed more than 22 million times.

When I began looking into Goatse’s identity, I depended on the longtime rumors that the men’s similar frame and matching moles all pointed toward Johnson. I couldn’t be sure, though, so I consulted an expert: A man who calls himself Grey. He’s the proprietor of the Big Sex Toy Store, an online erotic novelty shop specializing in extreme penetration gear, where the bestseller is an eight-inch PVC slip-on penis-extender. Grey is very familiar with both Goatse and Johnson, and he approaches them both with the practiced eye of the connoisseur.

“It’s like a musician going to a symphony concert. They’re going to hear things different than the average person,” Grey, a middle-aged man who talks about jumbo butt plugs like they’re models of lawnmowers, told me over the phone.

And Grey’s discerning eye says Goatse and Johnson are the same person.

“If you’ve seen enough of his videos you can kind of recognize him pretty quickly. ‘Oh, I know that butt!’” Grey said. “He’s kind of a slender guy but he inserts these huge objects to an incredible depth. I admire his capabilities.” Grey said he once emailed Johnson an offer of some free free toys, but never heard back.

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