AN IDEAL HUSBAND (1999)

Figured I’d try to class it up a little in the motherfucker, so quit ondousuruing it to Minx’s fat tits for a few minutes and check out some Oscar Wilde…

You know how I know the people over at The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences are all as crazy as shithouse rats? They’ve nominated Will Smith twice for Best Actor…but also cause back in 2000 AN IDEAL HUSBAND got completely snubbed and didn’t get nominated for shit!!! The world is so unfair. I know 1999 was the year of AMERICAN BEAUTY (one of my favorite movies), but they could have at least thrown AIH a fucking bone! How about a Best Supporting Actor nod for Rupert Everett who was absolutely fantastic. Way better than that blubbering retard in THE GREEN MILE and speaking of THE GREEN MILE: how the fuck did that horrible travesty of a screenplay get a nomination and not this intelligent, witty masterpiece? I love Stephen King’s novel, but I actually shit my seat in the movie theater because I was so angry at the movie…it completely left out the evil nurse from the present day for Satan’s sake!

Anyway, back to AN IDEAL HUSBAND…set in 1895 London AN IDEAL HUSBAND is a charming comedy of manners about an ideal politician (Robert Chiltern) with a perfect wife (Gertrude) and a perfect life who suddenly and unexpectedly comes face to face with a ghost of his past, the evil Mrs. Cheveley, who has proof on Robert’s one and only indiscretion. She intends to blackmail Robert into changing his report to Parliament on a scheme in which she has invested heavily. To add to the drama Robert’s best friend (“the most idle man in London”, Arthur Goring) happened to once have been engaged to Mrs. Cheveley, but is now secretly in love with Robert’s sister, Mabel. Confused? Well that’s just the first 10 minutes! The story gets much more twisted and elaborate before it’s all said and done and I absolutely adored every single second of it, so much so that I saw this three times in the theater and I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen the DVD. I’ll just say I pretty much have every single line memorized. I watched it two times this afternoon just for this review.

I love this film, but how much you like it will depend on how much you like romantic comedies (especially costume dramas) and if you’re a romantic motherfucker or not. Myself I’m romantic as fuck so I love this movie and daydream about being as smooth as Lord Goring. You yourself might be a total butthole, so I’d advise you to stay away. But if you do decide to watch it and you’ve never seen it before try your best to not look at the DVD menu screen because it gives away the end of the fucking movie!!!!!!!! WTF? Just block the right side of the screen with your hand and when the menu pops up hit Enter or Play. You can thank me later. Enjoy!

Oh shit, it’s Winston the Ogre from TIME BANDITS…