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List Soup: 30 new sexual positions based on movie titles

Based on a discussion from March of this year, here are 30 new sexual positions based solely on the titles of movies. Feel free to add any more below in the comments.

Balls of Fury

What this involves:

Balls, fury, possibly fire? Mustering all of your rage to slap your partner so hard with your nutsack that they look like they’ve been in a welterweight fight.


Being John Malkovich

What this involves:

Shaved heads, creepy insane asylum stares and the most bizarre role-playing night of your life.


Bend it Like Beckham

What this involves:

Either fucking around the corner of a solid object like a table, dresser or a wall, or a cum shot that hooks around either a piece of furniture or a wall of five guys standing between you and your target.


Big Trouble in Little China

What this involves:

A 500 lb man fucking an Asian midget.


Black Dynamite

What this involves:

Whether you’re black or not, as long as you’re fucking like you’re the motherfucking savior of the entire neighborhood, like you’ve just defeated every dope pusher in town and you’ve just won the rights to all the pussy as far as the horizon. Afro is optional.


Broken Arrow

What this involves:

Fucking so hard you snap your dick in two. Not something most people try to achieve.


The Color Purple

What this involves:

Going at it so vigorously that both parties end up with large bruises on both sets of inner thighs. Calling each other by slave names is optional.


Corpse Bride

What this involves:

Like normal necrophilia, except you keep your chilly girlfriend around for future sexual encounters and possibly nagging.


Deep Impact

What this involves:

SouthernSherlock said “I imagined this as involving a trampoline and a front flip with a twist”.


Die Hard

What this involves:

Any sex act in which the man doesn’t survive all the way to the end, but it doesn’t put a damper on his boner.


The Dirty Dozen

What this involves:

A dozen people, an untold number of sex acts, many of which might be illegal in most states and a pact to never mention any of it every again.


Fantastic Four

What this involves:

Aggressive finger fucking with four of your fingers. It helps if each finger has a superhero name and if at one point, when things are really going, you shout “Flame on!”


Fast and Furious

What this involves: 

Having a quickie with an ex that you normally can’t stand the sight or sound of. Alternatively, any sort of quick hate-fuck.


Four Weddings and a Funeral

What this involves:

A group sex act that involves four brides and one man in which one of the participant’s heart doesn’t make it all the way through.


From Dusk Til Dawn

What this involves:

Going at it from dusk til dawn, to the point when one or both (or more) of you are looking like vampires in desperate need of a drink.


Ghost Dad

What this involves:

One person pretending to be asleep, one person pretending to come home from a long day at work, some really inappropriate groping that ends with jerking off in the corner of the bedroom.


GoldenEye

What this involves:

Piss. In one’s eye. For fun.


Gone in 60 Seconds

What this involves:

There, in, done and with your shoes back on before a bag of popcorn is done cooking in the microwave.


Home Alone

What this involves:

A lonely night of pleasuring yourself that may involve such items as packing tape, rubber cement, a bowling ball, kerosene and a life-size cut out of Michael Jordan.


Human Centipede

What this involves:

Three or more people, lined up ass to mouth. Stitches are optional.


In the Mouth of Madness

What this involves:

Coming in someone’s mouth as you, or both are cackling wildly and/or speaking in tongues.


Let the Right One In

What this involves:

One naked woman blindfolded and doggy style on the floor in a dark room, three or more men, one of whom may or may not be a husband or boyfriend and possibly a spinner from the game Twister.


Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

What this involves:

Cockney accents and two orifices that require a liberal application of soothing ointment for afterwards.


Pay It Forward

What this involves:

A large group of willing participants in which the sex act done to you, you do to the next person plus one. So someone eats out your asshole, you eat out the asshole of the person next in line plus a quick titty fuck for example.


Raging Bull

What this involves:

Sex, possibly after a long drought, that involves more sweating, grunting and snorting than you’ve ever mustered in your whole life. Also, possibly a donkey punch as a finisher.


Romancing the Stone

What this involves:

Giving your man’s jewels the sweet and tender loving it deserves.


Sister Act

What this involves:

A threesome involving two or more biological sisters, or alternatively, two or more nuns. With singing.


There Will Be Blood

What this involves:

Having sex with a girl on her period hard enough that she starts splashing like a newly dug oil well with every thrust.


Three Men and a Baby

What this involves:

Please don’t make me type this.


Two Mules for Sister Sara

What this involves:

Two mules, a nun and possibly a whole lot of whiskey and lube.


9 notes

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  1. thisstreetsmanifesto reblogged this from iheartchaos and added:
    If I could pull of the fast and furious, legendary.
  2. foundx reblogged this from iheartchaos
  3. isssac reblogged this from iheartchaos
  4. engineering-potato reblogged this from iheartchaos and added:
    some of these are awful >.
  5. belgiankid reblogged this from iheartchaos
  6. erizio reblogged this from iheartchaos
  7. iheartchaos posted this

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