This clip is from a show on TLC called The Man Whose Arm Exploded, about former world-record bodybuilder Gregg Valentino and his extreme steroid use that led to his right arm filling up with puss and blood and all sorts of nasty shit and how much fun (?!) dealing steroids is.  The lesson here kids is– fuck steroids.  Unless you want to be a freak of nature beast with no dick and balls, thick brown piss and probably have your heart explode out of your chest.

Today on Mother’s Day, we don’t want to celebrate your mom.  I don’t know your mom, but she’s probably a nagging bitch.  Instead, we’ve got a very special Daily Hotness with a collection of super hot celebrity MILFs.  We love hot moms.

Jessica Alba

Rachel Hunter

Salma Hayek

Denise Richards

Angelina Jolie

Christina Aguilera

As one way to celebrate the Hallmark holiday of Mother’s Day, here’s a short film about the dangers of rape starring talking dogs in clothes. Wow, people used to be fucking weird. Why is this relevant to Mother’s Day? Hell, you may have been conceived out of rape– you never know.

Click for NSFW hot Bush action.

Via: Katrina Stranger

The Star Wars Kid is soooo yesterday.  Exercise is cool and all, but do you really have to tape your chunky ass jogging on a Wii Fit like a fucking epileptic retard?  OH THE MAN TITTIES!  Oh and the audio may sound a little porno-ish if you’re not watching.

Indians fucking love their music videos.  Everything in India has some sort of music video attached to it, I think.  And since I’m guessing you probably don’t speak Hindi, the next best thing is to watch some of these Indian music videos translated into what they sound like in English.  COME SEE ME EAT NIPPLES. The proper term for this sort of purposely poor translation is buffalaxing if you must know.

Some clever Cafepress user has created the ultimate accessory for an Orange Box loving beer drinker– the Portal stein. Beer comes out of the tap through one portal and out another into your mug.

While I love the creativity at work, I’d love to see someone tackle this in a higher quality than a Cafepress stein. Probably someday soon.

Click here to order your Portal beer stein.

Face it.  At some point in your life, there’s the very real possibility you might be involved in an all-out street brawl.  Don’t believe me?  Well, friend when you’re staring down the business end of a lead pipe in a back alley, don’t say you weren’t warned.

These helpful tips to come out on top when that trident / baseball bat/ brass knuckles fight goes down are via The Art of Manliness:

1. Wake up! When someone threatens you, snap to attention. Be aware of your environment. Look for objects that you can use for weapons. Searching out a place to escape to is especially important if you’re outnumbered.

2. Try to defuse the situation. Try to talk with the guy and calm him down. If you did something unknowingly that offended him (like looking at him funny), then apologize. Don’t let your ego get in the way of apologizing for something you didn’t do. Your first goal should be to avoid fighting. Maintain confident body language. Don’t show the guy you’re afraid.

3. Walk away. If talking to the knucklehead doesn’t work, start to leave the scene. But maintain alertness and walk away backwards, still facing your opponent. If he’s a no-good, yellow-belly rat, he’ll attack you from behind.

4. Assume a fighting position. If the jerk is still threatening you and you have nowhere to go, assume a stable fighting stance. Spread your stance to about shoulder width apart and slightly bend your knees. The goal is to maintain balance so you don’t end up on the ground. Keep your hands up to protect your face and clench your teeth. A solid punch to an open mouth can lead to a broken jaw.

5. Defend yourself. The goal is to defend yourself from violent and unjustified aggression, so don’t be afraid to fight dirty. If you have any object to use as a weapon, use it. This can be anything like a chair, a bottle (extra man points for first breaking the bottle and then thrusting the jagged part at your opponent), or a 2X4. Here are some other techniques that could be used in this sort of situation:

• Knee to the groin. No explanation needed why this is effective.
• Low kicks to the knee, groin, or abdomen. Kick like you’re kicking down a door, using the bottom of you foot. A solid kick to one of these areas can incapacitate your attacker long enough for you to get away.
• Headbutt to the face. Your forehead is one of the hardest bones on your body. Use this to your advantage by headbutting your opponent hard across his nose. If done correctly, you can do some serious damage.
• Throw a punch. If done correctly, an overhand punch can put your attacker out of commission.

6. Take punches effectively. While you should do your damnedest to avoid getting punched, you can’t avoid them all. If you have to take a punch, strive to absorb it in a way that minimizes the impact and damage..

• A punch to the head. Move towards the punch, tighten your neck muscles and clench your jaw. By moving into the punch, your attacker may miss the mark wide to either side. Absorb the punch with your forehead. It’s the hardest bone your body. If your attacker hits you there, his hand will be hurting and you’ll have minimized the damage to yourself.
• A punch to the body. Tighten your stomach muscles, but don’t suck in your stomach. Try to shift so the punch lands on your obliques rather directly in the stomach or vital organs.

7. Give your best war cry. While defending yourself, make as much noise as possible. There are two reasons for this. First is the intimidation factor. Yelling may distract and intimidate your attackers, leaving you a better chance of getting in some good blows or getting away. The second reason is to draw attention. The more people who gather around you, the easier to call a douche bag’s bluff.

8. Make your escape. After you have incapacitated your attacker using the methods described above, get the hell out of there.

This little game from PixelJam shouldn’t be as much fun as it is– run, jump, run, repeat… all to save a little yellow 8-bit dinosaur from the oncoming poisonous black cloud of extinction.  But the controls are good, the suspense is there– all perfect for wasting a few precious minutes of your weekend.

Click here to play.