How To

How to: Survive a street fight in 8 easy steps [How To]

Face it. At some point in your life, there’s the very real possibility you might be involved in an all-out street brawl. Don’t believe me? Well, friend when you’re staring down the business end of a lead pipe in a back alley, don’t say you weren’t warned.

10May2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How To: Write a Hello World program in 366 programming languages [How To]

One of the very first thing everyone does when learning a programming language is the “Hello World” program– that is, a very short (usually) bit of code that produces a written output when run. It could say “God is dead” or “Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em”, but it’s tradition for it to be “Hello […]

6May2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How To: Properly celebrate Cinco de Mayo [How To]

Sure Cinco de Mayo falls on a Monday this year, but that doesn’t mean you can’t party hardy well into Tuesday. Even if you’re not Mexican and have no idea about Mexican culture, don’t let this stop you from drinking yourself stupid, eating awesome Mexican food and beating the shit out of a pinata.

5May2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How To: Make the perfect scrambled eggs [How To]

Sunday mornings are always perect days for a good homemade breakfast. In this video, Gordon Ramsey shows off how to make the absolute perfect scrambled eggs. I think I just came in my mouth a little.

4May2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How to: Visit the beating heart of Liberty City in GTA IV.

If you’re one of the thousands and thousands who snagged GTA IV yesterday…here’s a vid on the most awesome of the secrets so far– the gigantic beating heart of Liberty City, tucked away in the chest of the Statue of Happiness (Statue of Liberty).

1May2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How to: Make cocaine, the jungle way [How To]

In this informative video, learn the grueling and dangerous process of refining coca leaf into powdered cocaine. It’s not really advisable that you try this at home, for the obvious reason that it’s incredibly illegal, but it also involves a good deal of really nasty chemicals.

30Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How to: Undress Scarlett Johansson in Photoshop [How To]

You’re just here for the handy Photoshop tutorial, right? Not the fake Scarlett Johansson boobies, right? Of course you are. Sit right down, get your lasso and your brush and take note of this great PS tutorial on turning clothes to flesh.

28Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 1 comment | Continued

How to: Save money the IHC way! [How To]

I admit that I’m really really bad at saving money. But times are getting tough for most people, and it would probably be good if I at least gave it some effort. So here are some tips from IHC on how to save some bank this year.

27Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 1 comment | Continued

How to: Tell if she’s a hooker or a cop [How To]

Say it’s a Friday night and you’re looking for some action if you know what I mean and you go downtown to see what sort of action a man can buy, but you don’t want to end up as a mugshot in the local paper. How do you know who’s a cop and who’s […]

25Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

The best “How To” blowjob videos from Youtube [How To]

Thanks to video sharing sites like Youtube, anyone and everyone can give advice on how to suck a good dick these days. Without any nudity or explicit content, all it takes is a camera and a willingness to get your message to the masses and just maybe one day someone will be getting their knob sucked just the right way thanks to your advice.

23Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 2 comments | Continued

How to: Deliver a baby in an emergency [How To]

In this goofy police training video from the 1960s, you can learn how to emotionlessly help to deliver a baby in an emergency when doctors aren’t around. The only things I can remember from watching this is: stay calm, take off her panties and DON’T DROP THE FUCKING BABY. Oh, and just because it’s […]

22Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How to: Spin a pencil (or a banana) in your fingers [How To]

When I was in high school, there was this Korean kid in my art class that could do the trippy pencil spinning thing and he did it all the time. Apparently, most kids in many parts of Asia– South Korea, China, Taiwan, Japan– learn this when they’re really young and just do it all the […]

18Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

12 ways to survive the impending Depression II: Electric Booglaoo [How To]

Some might take the realistic view that a second Great Depression isn’t just around the corner. However, we like to scare the crap out of you and give you reason to harass your family about their incorrect ways of living. Some might say that the people who swear that another Depression is inevitable are kooks, […]

16Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 1 comment | Continued

How to: Build a hydrogen generator [How To]

Hydrogen energy is all the rage and is such fun to experiment with. But as much fun as it can be, it can also be highly dangerous. Remember the Hindenberg, “oh the humanities” and all that crap? Big fucking ball of hydrogen. So when you’re building your own hydrogen generator, for fuck’s sake be careful.

15Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How To: Kick down a door [How To]

First off, kicking down a door isn’t your best option and shouldn’t be your first, especially if you have a key. Doors are pretty heavy and are held in place pretty well and for the most part don’t crumble under the power of your boot like they do in movies. I’ve tried to kick down […]

10Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How To: Make your own steampunk penis pump [How To]

Merlin Mann of 43folders loooves him some steampunk. He also loves masturbation. Well what a coincidence! Here he is, showing you dear reader how in no time, you can have your own steampunk style penis pump for your Victorian era pleasures. And you can learn a little from the video as […]

9Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How To: Make your own 2008 Election paper finger puppets [Politics Suck]

Find PDFs here to make your own bickering paper finger puppets for each of the 3 remaining contenders in the 2008 Election. The most fun you can have with John McCain without being indicted for war crimes.

8Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 1 comment | Continued

How To: Order a beer in 50 languages [How To]

If ever you find yourself in say, Belarus, and really hankering for a beer, don’t be a noob and just walk up to the bar and yell “Gimme a beer!”… do as the locals do and ask for that pint in the local tongue.

5Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 2 comments | Continued

How To: Cook chicken like Coolio [How To]

To conclude a week of mostly cooking How To’s, we have a lesson on how to cook a chicken like Coolio cooks a chicken. Okay, so this isn’t the most instructional cooking video ever. It’s more like Coolio putting up with the faux-gangster white boy antics of professional hilarious r-tard Andy Milonakus.

4Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 0 comments | Continued

How To: Bake dog poop cookies [How To]

After yesterday’s cat litter box cake, you might want to exact revenge on the bastard that baked that for you. How so? Dog poop cookies. Not made with real dog poop, because who wants the burden of running from the law just over a stupid batch of cookies? Follow the simple instructions in the video […]

3Apr2008 | cranberryzero | 1 comment | Continued