5 other comedians that should run for public office [Politics Suck]

Well, it’s December… and we still don’t know the outcome of the Minnesota senate race between former comedian Al Franken and some other guy. So while we ponder why Minnesotans have a bad habit of electing washed out celebrities to public office, let’s take a look at 5 other comedians who should run for public office.

Victoria Jackson
Why she should run for public office:
Because Victoria Jackson has already dipped her toe into the political waters, starring in an attack ad against Al Franken for Norm Coleman in Minnesota and stating that she honestly thinks that Barack Obama is the Antichrist. So once you go that full on stupid, the only logical next step is to make a run for some sort of office.

Her possible platform:
Sarah Palin did a good job of mobilizing stupid people who felt they could relate to her, much in the same way that George W Bush played stupid well enough to land in the White House not once, but twice. Victoria Jackson doesn’t just play a dipshit on TV, she’s one in real life. Somebody’s got to use that to their advantage.

Her chances of winning:
Pretty low. At least Sarah Palin could sometimes look halfway competent. Sadly, Victoria Jackson would just let out a high pitched “I don’t knooooow” any time anyone asked her something difficult.

Michael Richards

Why he should run for office:
Because he has nothing else to do. Literally, he has nothing to do. Not a thing. Since his chilling racist n-word explosion at the Laugh Factory over a year ago, he’s only had one gig– a voice role in Bee Movie, but that was Seinfeld’s dumbass project and he probably felt bad for him.

His possible platform:
“Please oh please vote for me. I have nothing else going for me and just one vote would make it so I can finally sleep at night again.” and “Michael Richards: No really, some of my best friends are black people.”

His chances of winning:
So incredibly, dreadfully low. Whether he tried to run for president of the US or cafeteria monitor of some elementary school in Bumfuck, Idaho, his chances of getting elected anywhere ever are next to zero. All his opponent would have to do is to run the Youtube video of his tirade one time and Richards wouldn’t get a single vote.

Emo Phillips

Why he should run for office:
He’s getting older and grayer and it could be a good time for him to focus his manic energy into public policymaking. Plus, he would make CSPAN one of the most watchable channels on TV, as he rambles for two hours on the floor of the House, telling some story about a woman he met that didn’t have healthcare and you think this is all about healthcare until the very end when you realize it’s about his recipe for coleslaw.

His possible platform:
“I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me. ” … “My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often. ” … “Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories? ” See, any of those would look great on a yard sign.

His chances of winning:
Probably pretty low, sadly. I would vote for him. Twice. Or three times. But with kids turning 18 every day, they’d fucking vote for him just because his name is Emo. Shit, they’d put EMO posters all over their walls and tell their moms they’re all political now.

Horatio Sanz

Why he should run for office:
Since Bill Richardson didn’t get the Democratic nomination in 2008 and isn’t going to be Obama’s Secretary of State, there’s a void there for overweight Hispanic politicians. And Horatio Sanz is like the funny version of Bill Richardson. Plus, with Mad TV going off the air, there’s no chance he’ll get to do that again. Wait… what? Horatio Sanz lots a zillion pounds and he’s no longer the chubby funny Hispanic guy? Whatever… he’s still awesome and should run for something.

His possible platform:
“Like Bill Richardson, except funnier!” “Like Bill Richardson except now skinnier and funnier!”

His chances of winning:
I’m gonna say that if Sanz really, really wanted to run for public office, his chances probably could be pretty decent. I don’t know where he stands on any political issues, but he’s a smart, funny guy who could really work the camera.

Tina Fey

Why she should run for office:
Sure, she’s got the whole 30 Rock thing that seems to be going well for her, but if she wanted to run for office, like really put her heart into it, there would be no month-long ballot counting. She would trounce just about anyone, if for no other reason than she could whip out her perfect Sarah Palin impersonation and win the hearts and minds of both the left and the right.

Her possible platform:
“I’m not Sarah Palin, but I played her on TV” … “If you want someone who’s as hot or hotter than Sarah Palin, but actually has a brain in her head, vote for Tina Fey.”