How To: Say no to weed and still look cool (uh, sort of) [How To]

From the sheriff’s office of Polk County, NC comes 77 ways to turn down weed and still look cool. At least, what a sheriff’s department in Bumfuck thinks is cool.

For a little perspective, I live in NC. I used to live in Asheville, NC, which is pretty far out of the way of anything, but still has its own hippie-type vibe and is a pretty happening place. Polk County is in the southwestern part of the state where there’s mountains, hillbillys, trees, bears, a whole lot of weed growing in mountain alcoves and this kid, who put Polk County into the national spotlight briefly when his fat ass was taken away from his toothless redneck parents because he was so god damn fat:

So anyway, here’s Polk County’s 77 ways to turn down weed and still look “cool” in the eyes of a hillbilly Sheriff:

01. No, I already eat too much junk food
02. No, what do I look like? A hippie?
03. Top three answers on the board, sorry guys, No
04. No thanks, I’m into reality
05. Got a pen? Write this down - No
06. No, not now. Ask me again a billion years
07. Right now’s no good. How about never?
08. Two words - N O
09. No, the weather just isn’t right for it
10. No, I never smoke on days that end in Y
11. No, weed’s a bit too twentieth century for me
12. Haven’t you see the fried egg in those ads?
13. Look at the time - Gotta go

14. No, we might all end up on one of those cop shows.
15. I’ll pass
16. No way, put it away
17. Are you crazy
18. Sorry, I get stuff to do
19. Not today, not tomorrow. How about never
20. Nah, I have plans for today
21. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.
22. No can do
23. Nope. Smell ya later!
24. No, I’m allergic
25. No, but if you have any chocolate
26. I’ve got to get home and walk my dog
27. No, I only smoke sausage
28. No, I don’t know where that stuff’s been
29. No, grass is for mowing
30. No, I don’t have any money for potato chips
31. Nah, I hate anything green
32. No, that’s cruelty toward plants

33. No, I might wind up in one of those ads
34. I don’t have time for drugs
35. I don’t do the pot thing
36. I don’t want your life
37. Sorry, I’m on a drug free diet
38. Uhhh let me think NO
39. Not now. Maybe in the next millennium
40. You must be mistaking me for an idiot?
41. I don’t think so
42. Poof! Beg gone
43. I’d rather eat my mother’s mystery casserole
44. No, it’s not my style
45. No, and get a life while you’re at it
46. I’m on my way to the mall
47. Did you just ask me if I wanted to do drugs? I didn’t think so
48. No, I don’t talk to strangers, stranger
49. I don’t want to have “pot” breath
50. No, weeds are for whacking
51. No, I’m already weird enough

52. What does this look like? Weedstock?
53. I prefer my brown eyes to your red ones
54. My parents did and look at them now
55. No, it’ll violate my parole
56. What part of “NO” don’t you understand?
57. I’ll say it slow for you - nnnnnooooooooo
58. How do they say “NO” on your planet?
59. No, I have a very busy schedule
60. No, no a thousand times no
61. No offense, but no
62. Gee thanks, but I’m high on life
63. No, somebody might see us
64. No, Get it? Got it? Good!
65. No, my imagination is good enough already
66. No thanks, I already feel paranoid
67. No, I might forget my locker combination
68. No way, I might be tempted to eat school food
69. No, if I want to look stupid I’ll become a mime
70. Let’s not go there

71. No, you might be an undercover cop
72. No, I got places to go, people to see
73. No, if fact never
74. Not tonight, I have a headache
75. No, I like my brain the way it is
76. No thanks, I might get kicked off the Math team
77. No, and that’s my final answer

COOL!

Via: Polk County Sheriff’s Department