An open letter from E.Timor to Kosovo on its independence [News]

Dear Kosovo,

Congratulations guys on achieving your independence.  It’s truly an exciting day for you and for the rest of the world, one that came out of hard work, frustration and bloodshed.  But take it from us, the (former) newest nation on Earth, being your own country is fun at times, but it can also suck pretty bad as well.

We were excited, too when we gained our independence.  We thought it was going to be all sorts of awesome– we’d have our own president, we’d have free beer and lots of money and we’d invite all the hot chicks over to our new place and party all the time, but actually it sort of sucks.  Our economy is pretty much non-existant, our president just got assassinated, we have to rely on Indonesia for pretty much everything.  It’s really more like living in your parent’s basement than having real independence.

But I guess it takes time, right?  I mean, look at the United States, the guys that helped you out so much– it took them like what 100 years before they were really on their feet and doing it on their own and look at them now.  That’s what we’re hoping… is that maybe in like 100 years we’ll have like a ton of tanks and nukes and money and scientists and shit and you guys can do it too.

We found this book that was on Dr. Phil– fucking Brunei of all places kept bugging us about it, it’s called the Secret and it’s all about how you can get whatever you want just through positive thinking and determination.  Well, to be honest, we didn’t really read the whole thing, but we read a decent synopsis of it on the Internet and that seems to be the gist of it.  I heard they made a DVD out of it, so maybe we’ll see if China will let us borrow a copy.

Anyway, have you gotten around to making a flag?  Making a flag is the best part, flags and national anthems– and we totally are trying to decide on a national starfish.  Why?  Because we can.  Our flag is pretty cool, it’s way better than Indonesia’s.  Indonesia has a stupid flag and people get it mixed up with Poland ALL THE TIME ha ha ha ha.  And don’t get stuck with letting the UN make a flag for you or you’ll get stuck with a piece of shit like Bosnia’s got and then you have to go through all sorts of crap to change it.  For the anthem, a bunch of people wanted “Party all Night” by KISS, but then some other people said that wasn’t serious enough, but maybe you guys can do it.

Again, congratulations on your independence and if you guys need anything, let us know, we’re just a hop skip and a jump away.

Signed, East Timor